Background

So a little about me, on the remote chance someone else actually reads this.

Actually I'll clarify that latter comment first as it sounds a little wishy washy.  The goal of this blog is personal motivation, not public exposure or cries for attention.  It'll make more sense in a minute.

I'm a 32 year old fella from the UK.  I'm a big guy, simply put.  At 6'2 and pretty broad in frame I look stocky and "normal".  My secret? That frame allows me to hide the fact that I'm very overweight.  At just under 19.5 stone (123.5kg, 272lb for the rest of the world outside England) I am in no way a dainty guy.

I've always been big, and I wonder if I'll ever be able to get to that stage of "toned".  I'm willing to try though.  Physical appearance is not the goal though (although improved confidence from being less self-conscious is certainly an additional motivator).  Health is the main drive.

I have narcolepsy, kicked in when I was 18, was diagnosed at 20/21, and it's been a minor annoyance at best (my symptoms are mild compared to many).  This year however it's taken a turn for the worse (it advances in stages) and in addition I've developed 'severe obstructive sleep apnoea'.  In recent tests I was shown to stop breathing on average 55 times an hour.  Yes, I stop breathing almost as often as every minute.

One aspect of my narcolepsy is the early onset of dream sleep, which means my conscious mind is awake and I get no rest.  I wake up feeling tired, as my mind has never shut down.  Sleep apnoea results in the brain instinctively waking you up to start breathing again, meaning you get no rest.  Ever gone for a few days without sleep? That draining feeling, every muscle aches, every movement is a chore, everything irritates you or drives you to anger.  No motivation, no energy.  I run a business and also teach part time.  Both of these have suffered heavily this year as I simply have no "umph" to get anything done.

That's been me pretty much every day this year, and I've had enough of it.

I can't fix my narcolepsy, but I damn well can try and fix the sleep apnoea through weight loss.

Now we've all tried this before, I've done it several times.  I sign up to a shiny gym, I hardcore it for a month, lose half a stone and then give up for some excuse.  Not this time.....     hopefully.  I have a very tangible motivating force in my health and wellbeing (sleep apnoea as severa as mine plays merry hell with the heart and blood pressure, on top of everything else), the stress and exhaustion has given me a stomach ulcer, and we can even throw in a couple of bouts of kidney stones this year too.  It's been a crap 2012.

My plan is simple - slow and steady.  My inspiration in this is my family, particularly my sister and mother. They've been at WeightWatchers for about 9 months now, and in that time have lost phenomenal amounts of weight for very little effort.  More importantly it's helped completely change their outlook to food, appetites and portion control (something I definitely need too).  I'll be signing up myself soon, but I've also signed up to a pretty big gym only 2-5 minutes walk from my home.  

The gym is because I want to exercise.  I don't just want to lose inches, I want to get fit too.  I used to do a lot of sports, squash, swimming, weight training, athletics.  I was a pretty fit teenager.  Now though, I'm sick and tired of nearly collapsing when the lift at work breaks down and I have to walk 5 flights of stairs.  I'm ashamed that when I'm with work colleagues they always take the lift because they don't want to make me take the stairs with them.  And I just want some bloody energy and motivation back in my life.  

So why the blog? Simple.  I'm going to put up weekly progress.  A photo.  Figures.  Measurements.  I'll write what I've done each week.  What I've eaten.  If I fail, I have to explain it rather than just justify it in my mind.  I don't have a gym partner, so I'm going to use this instead.  If someone ever stumbles across it and decides to follow me then feel free to give me a verbal kicking any time I screw up.